This blog has been one of the most challenging endeavors I’ve ever set out on. Maybe that sounds like hyperbole to you, but starting something new and creative in the time of a worldwide pandemic and while I work three jobs to make sure I have enough money to live on and pay my bills, is not easy. Anything creative isn’t easy.
It’s also been only two months and some change and I know that, as hard as it is sometimes to juggle the scheduling of it all, it is so very fulfilling. And I’m trying to do the work to make this thing thrive, in some capacity. Making changes in my life to encourage this blog, including the work that I do so that I can afford to maintain this thing and support it, feels so nice. So purposeful. I was recently able to add one of the final pieces to my desk to make it easier to write, make it easier on me because I had been using my laptop while sitting on the floor, with the thing raised up on a shoe box and a tissue box to make it easier to type.
Now, I have a proper stand and room on my desk for the gorgeous and fun Bluetooth keyboard that my boyfriend gifted me, with the space to finally use it. I have this cute desk from Urban Outfitters, and usually it closes like an actual secretary desk. The stand makes that impossible now, but just the fact that I can use this keyboard and put my laptop at eye-level, and then put the keyboard away when I’m done is so… nice. It’s a nice feeling to also put everything away when I’m not using it.
You should also hear the sound this keyboard makes when I type, it is so so satisfying.
There are some big things on the horizon, as I try to make this blog successful, try to make it a pleasing place to come to. There’s going to be more social media out there to kind of get more eyes out there. I don’t want to come out and say anything just yet because where’s the surprise in that? This blog was a bit of a surprise enough, as I had finally just said “let’s get it out there and learn as I go.”
And I am! I’m learning as I go, taking the knowledge I had gained from working at the Liverpool Offside, applying it to what I’m doing here, looking up and learning more skills to make this whole endeavor more successful.
Big things take work, they take consistency, and honesty, and they take care. I want all of that to come out of this blog, for this place to be a representation of the way that I want to do things. And as much as this is a place for me to keep writing about what I love, I want people to find it and maybe find that they’re not alone in the world, as well.
I’m working to make this a space where I can share things, where I can share my life and shape my own story. So while I teased some big things coming, I wanted to celebrate some big things that have happened in my life, that I have been excited about and haven’t really known how to express.
My youngest sister recently got married, eloped in her backyard to her fiancé, with just the parents involved. I’ve been equal parts excited and sad about it, mostly because the pandemic hasn’t allowed me to be there for her for this huge, huge moment in her life, but so excited that my staunchly anti-relationship sister found someone that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. And who knows how long that life is, who knows how long any of our lives are, so I’m happy that she found someone to be with, that will love her and care for her in the way that she deserves. She’s the first of the three of us to get married, too, so I’m sure it was bittersweet for my parents, though they got to go to Tacoma for the moment and help out. I just can’t wait for the big party that is to come when we can all safely gather together.
Most that know me, as well, know that I’m not super responsible with my money. As hard as I work, it is very easy for me to impulse buy things that I want that will make me happy and see the consequences later. And I’ve dealt with a lot of consequences.
I have worked very hard the past year or so to get better about managing my money and though it has come with making more money through working myself into stress-related nightmares sometimes, I’m able to have money to cover my bills and then some fun money to buy stuff that I want and not feel bad about it. This is a privilege and a luxury, and I know that. I am also incredibly lucky to be with a boyfriend who is much more responsible with his money and has imparted a lot of those skills and that knowledge onto me. Because of that support, I’m nearing the ability to pay off my car for the first time, and this is a huge thing for me.
Honestly, I just wanted to use this space to feel good about myself, about my accomplishments and of those around me. To celebrate the work that I have done and to sit in excitement of the work that is to come. For a long time I struggled with the ability to feel like I could make space for fulfilling, purposeful work. That though I was able to work in helping others (and I love doing it) that I wasn’t able to do work that helped myself.
This has helped me feel a little more centered in my life and less adrift, and I feel like though the balance of scheduling and thew work itself will be a constant struggle, I think that I have finally found a balance of the work in service of my bills, and the work in service of myself.
Thank you, whoever you are, for coming along for this ride, and I hope I keep it worthwhile for you.